Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Wreckage (2010)


A Real Junker

If you're like me, you're severely addicted to Breaking Bad as much as a meth addict is addicted to...well...meth. If you are a fan of the show, you know that Aaron Paul, who plays co-star Jesse Pinkman, is the shit. In the span of four seasons, Paul has delivered a wide range of emotion as his character continually strives to crawl out from rock bottom. After seeing him pull his weight in the surprisingly entertaining Last House on the Left remake, I was definitely interested in seeing him tackle another horror role. Unfortunately, Wreckage isn't what I had in mind.

Monday, August 29, 2011

Fright Night (2011)


Won't You Bleed My Neighbor?

When I first heard talk of a Fright Night remake, I was reasonably uneasy on the idea considering that the original film is a cult classic, not to mention a prime example of fun 80's horror. When I learned that Colin Farrell was on board to play the seductive vampire-next-door, my interest definitely peaked. This wasn't a role I would have expected him to take, so I was eager to see what he would bring to a comedy-horror film whose original has a strong following. Fright Night may not be the best remake on the market, but it's a damn well entertaining one thanks to a fun, witty script and all-around great casting.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Witchouse (1999)



Oh, Full Moon Entertainment...You never cease to provide lulzy movies with bad effects and even worse acting. But that's also why I love you. <3

Get out your graters because it's time for some cheese!

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Megan Is Missing (2011)

 
Web of Deceit

There has been a recent surge in films that revolve around online hookups gone wrong. I had previously reviewed Trust which was an extremely realistic and uncomfortable drama that followed a young girl who is sexually violated by an adult man posing online as a teenager. Around the same time, I had heard talk of Michael Goi's Megan Is Missing, a movie that seemed to follow the same basic premise, but I neglected to check it out since I found Trust was about as unnerving as I could imagine a film about cyber predators to be. Thanks to my friends at The Horror Club and their surprisingly shocked review of the film's final act, I decided this was one I needed to see. While I still find Trust to be a more realistic approach to a real life problem that hurts both the victims and their families, Megan Is Missing provides a very stomach-churning look into the lives of modern teenagers and leaves the viewer with an ending that will likely stay in their head for days.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Panic at Rock Island (2011)


Australia Goes Viral

I don't know why I was under the impression that this was a horror movie. Oh, right. It was labeled as one on IMDb. While the title Panic at Rock Island may sound like an episode of Scooby Doo or an epic surf rock anthem from the 60s, it's really nothing but a tawdry Aussie melodrama that revolves around a viral outbreak at a rock festival. With some tremendous overacting and plenty of stupid characters that don't seem to have the first idea how to prevent the spread of infection, this film may have your eyes bleeding long before those of the infected kids on Rock Island.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Ilsa: She Wolf of the SS (1975)



Like Nazis? Like full frontal nudity and sexy torture sequences? Well...you may have a problem, but it's nothing that a few cc's of Ilsa can't fix.

Let her beat you into submission until we return with new updates tomorrow!

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

The Howling (1981)



Take My Life, Please is taking a very brief hiatus for a few days while I get used to a new sleeping schedule that my new job requires. It's been throwing off my normal routine and making it more difficult to watch movies and get the reviews up before I have to go to sleep. However, this won't be long as I'm almost fully adjusted to this new schedule. So in the meantime, enjoy this trailer for one of the best werewolf films around and feel free to bark at the moon until we return.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Frogs (1972)



This trailer is definitely...COLD-BLOOOODED!

Murder-Set-Pieces (2004)


Sour Kraut

Editor's Note: This review was originally written in 2006. While I will probably never watch this movie again, I still haven't gotten that part with the baby out of my head after all this time. So. Shitty movie. But still effective. Whatevz.

Anyone that knows me (particularly exes and my friends in Child Services) knows that I dig violence. If I’m watching a straight-up slasher film, I’ll pray to the Lord himself (Satan, obv.) for some good old fashioned nitty-gritty. I like my severed heads, skewered tongues, disembowelings, and all of the things that horny teenagers have coming to them. But when a film tries to take itself seriously and uses extreme violence to "make a point," chances are that it’s all for shock value and there’s really no message behind the red goop. Such is this case with Nick Palumbo’s gorenography film Murder-Set-Pieces, a serial killer movie where the sweat and tears are as fake as the the blood.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Warlock (1989)



Hey, you name another movie where a flying warlock gets sniped with a weather vane in one of the most hilarious moments of ownage ever. Didn't think you could!

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Scream of the Banshee (2011)


This Banshee's Best On Mute

Today we have ourselves another After Dark Original. Unfortunately, this film isn't all that original. Within moments of the opening credits, the phrase "SyFy presents" is surely enough to send a nervous chill down the spine of any viewer. This is also the only moment in Scream of the Banshee that will send a chill down the spine of any viewer, as this made-for-TV horror film fails to pack any punch or originality. Not even an appearance by horror veteran Lance Henriksen could save this banshee's scream from being no more than a faint whisper.