Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Dahmer vs. Gacy (2011)

No Need...I'll Kill Myself, Thank You

If you've been keeping tabs with the site, you know that I was out of commission for a few days due to an excruciating kidney stone tearing through my insides. The initial pain was so intense that it caused me to vomit and sweat for hours until I finally gave in to cowardice and rushed to the ER, bartering sexual favors with the MDs for a few CCs of Demerol. Considering that I drink an ocean of water a day, I've come to a very reasonable conclusion: the cheesy, lowbrow shlock-fest that is Dahmer vs. Gacy is the sole cause of this attack on my body. The pain I endured watching this turd of a film manifested itself into a barbed calcium deposit, laying swift vengeance on my body for making it sit through something so terrible, it can only be described as an abandoned Josef Mengele experiment deemed too cruel for human testing. I'm no doctor (legally), but that sounds reasonable, right?

The film centers on a secret government genetics lab that's creating deadly soldiers using DNA cloning. In order to create the best of assassins, the scientists have begun to clone notorious serial killers, including Jeffrey Dahmer and John Wayne Gacy. When a fire breaks out at the lab, the two aforementioned serial killers go MIA and begin a comically violent murder spree across the city. Meanwhile, some hick who hears the voice of God (comedian Harland Williams, Half Baked) is convinced that it's his destiny to find and dispatch the two murderers via the Lord's wrath. And then somewhere along the line, ninjas get involved. I won't bore you (or myself) with more of the plot, because there really isn't any need to. The killers continue their rampage until they end up face-to-face for a showdown that is equally as worthless as the rest of the film.

Even for a low budget feature, this film is technically flawed from top to bottom. There appears to be no boom mic used (or no mixing during post) because any sound above a whisper peaks to a screeching fuzz, slowly murdering your ability to hear. This, however, is okay because the dialogue is so shoddy and childish, you're probably better off. If the film makers wanted to write a movie just to see how many times they could use the term "butt fuck", they succeeded, because this is essentially the height of maturity this film reaches in dialogue.  The set design looks like it was made for beans and grains, and that most of the money went toward actors like Felissa Rose (Sleepaway Camp), Irwin Keyes (House of 1000 Corpses), Art LaFleur (the B-movie Robert De Niro), and the previously mentioned Harland Williams, most of whom appear for only a few minutes, if not less. I'm also leaving out the appearance of Jerry Maren, one of the original Lollipop Guild munchkins from The Wizard of Oz, and Bonnie Aarons, who played "Crackhead Bonnie" in last year's Oscar-nominated film, The Fighter.

Makes Jason vs. Freddy look like Oscar-bait

The only redeeming part of the film is the news broadcast that randomly plays throughout the movie, namely because the news ticker at the bottom scrolls some pretty funny messages across the screen, subtly lambasting both mainstream and indie films and actors. Unfortunately, the rest of the movie lacks anything close to humor and plays out like an even more childish Troma film that doesn't know which direction it should go next. The actors who play Dahmer and Gacy are also not the worst I've ever seen, but should really have a serious sit-down with their agents.

Art LaFleur, originally being asked to do this film
Dahmer vs. Gacy seems to be a film that tries to make a statement on the media's obsession with sensationalizing serial killers and violence. But after watching two murderers scream "butt fuck" at each other for five minutes while violently slashing up anyone and everyone, that message appears to be lost amongst the filmmakers in order to make money on a film that, well, sensationalizes serial killers. A sequel, Dahmer vs. Gacy 2: In Space is planned for a 2013 release. You can find my review for the film in my 2013 suicide note, Goddammit, Another Kidney Stone?

And in other news...you are most likely getting a refund
0.5/5 Stars

1 comment:

  1. While I am fascinated with serial killers, mostly reading about them and watching documentaries, I rarely partake in the viewing of movies based on them...and this film would be why. I think I'll steal a line from IMDb trolls and say "Worst Film Ever!" While that line is beneath my level of maturity, I think I'll stick to it, then again, I guess I have seen worse, but when they are this bad I guess you can sort of lump them all together. So maybe a better line would be "One of the worst films ever!" I feel so utterly juvenile at this point.

    Now a few serial killer films that I did enjoy were Dear Mr. Gacy, The Gray Man and Ed Gein. I tend to stay away from most others unless I begin hearing good things about them.